Wow. I just finished a super long post and hit refresh by accident and *poof*, it's gone.
Lovely.
Anyhow, I'm curious about how you all handle elementary school arts & crafts that are geared solely towards the biological parents.
I mean, I get it. I can remember making construction paper crafts with white smelly glue and big colourful markers - and I can clearly remember writing words like MOM, and DAD on the same page, even though my parents have been divorced since I was a little girl. But come on education system! Wake up! It can't be uncommon for kids to have divorced parents and I would be very suprised to learn that Jan was the only kid in her class with a step-mom.
I'm still juggling my self control on this issue. On the one hand I want her to be reassured that the divorce had nothing to do with her and that her parents are still her parents and always will be. If she wants to make something that says, "Happy Valentines Day Mom & Dad", so be it. But you'd think (or maybe I'm crazy for being so idealistic) that teachers would give the option to students to make two hearts? One for each home? Which just might encourage kids (on their own) to think about the other people who live in their home(s). Jan's biomom has a boyfriend who lives with them, and Mr.Brady has me...us "seconds" definitely do as much in the ways of raising these children, but we aren't blood related so it's not justified if we feel left out, or god forbid, complain.
I'm serious. I feel like I'm the most selfish woman on the planet when I bring this kind of thing up with women who aren't stepmoms.
I don't know. Like I said, maybe I AM being selfish - but blended families need support, even moreso from the place where our kids are spending 6 hours of their weekdays.
I know I'm generalizing. In fact, I am CERTAIN that I'm generalizing. I recently read one woman's blog where she was pleasantly suprised to find 4 chairs at the parent teacher conference. The instructor had assumed that some children would have a biomom/dad and stepmom/dad.
Now thats progressive thinking!
How do I encourage the same movement at my kids' school without sounding like a friggin' whiner.
Am I being a whiner?
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14 comments:
Nope. You're not being a whiner. I know exactly how you feel. K comes home all the time with stuff that has "mom" or "dad" written on it. One time, though, he was told to draw a picture of his family and he drew me, his dad, him, and his mom on the other side of him. It was sweet. Kudos to that teacher that had 4 chairs set up!
It was hard the first school year I was in the house, because they wanted to send the stuff to mom, but at the time, mom was "between houses" and wouldn't give us an address to send the kids stuff. They gave up and now just give me every "MOM" gift the school makes them make. I have quiet the collection. They say they know I love them more then anyone could, so when they are told to make their mom something, they think of me.
Now for a family that has two active bioparents and stepparents, I think the schools should allow multiples. Ask the teacher at the next meeting, or request one with the art teacher. Maybe draw it to the principals attention....
I know some of my stepson's teachers have been way better about that than others. I don't think it's inappropriate to bring it up in a tactful manner with the teacher. It no doubt affects more than a few kids in the classroom. Maybe just in a "I'm wondering how you handle this..." context and not mentioning anything specific. Sometimes I think teachers are just so overwhelmed with the activity that they don't stop to consider details like that.
You are absolutely right and I completely sypathize with your position. There have been several occasions where Monkey brings home things that say Mom and Dad on them. He will say that they are for Me and Hubby but I'm never really sure if he's not just saying that because he doesn't want to make me feel bad for being for left out. The real kicker for me is Mother's Day. It feels a little like a kick in the stomach to be left out despite the equal amount of Mothering we do. When is Step-Parent day?
Hey that's a good idea!
I like ng's suggestion. It HAS to be an issue faced by a multitude of people these days. Tactfully asking the teacher how he/she handles it would be a good start.
I know in our school system, there are definitely some that handle it better than others. This year's teachers? Much better.
But I also think we have been much more involved with this year's teachers.
I'm guessing in a class of 30 kids or so, it's hard to know what each kiddo is dealing with in their home life. I picture the teachers just handing those things out and expecting the kiddos to do their thing. And all kiddos really want their Mom and Dad together, hence the nice big heart with "Mom and Dad" smack in the middle.
Once we really connected with the kids' teachers, and they knew more about our dynamics, I saw a lot more things come home that were geared for just Dad and just Mom, separately. Sometimes I get included... sometimes not. :)
We have spoken to the kid about this and we told him to just leave off the label part and he can fill that in at home when he figures out who he wants to give it to.
No. You aren't whining.
I completely agree with you about the lack of the blended family support not given in schools. I think most teachers and staff are quite lazy in addressing the topic. It is taboo to mention divorce in class because the teacher's do not want to be the one bringing up a painful subject to the students. But they already think about it non-stop because it is their reality. And therefore, needs to be addressed appropriately.
My s-kids do not make me cards, or call me on my birthday, or call me on Mother's day. But I do make sure they do all of these things to everyone else when they are on my watch. Especially their step-dad. They are learning and so am I.
If the teachers are not being the example then we have to be!
We've had teachers who have had the kids make two projects and we've had teachers who haven't. I think it depends on the level of comfort and the relationship. I agree though, in this day and age it's surprising that teachers aren't more sensitive and appropriate to all the parents involved.
I know this one well! 8K has expressed several times that she has a gift she made at school (thanksgiving, christmas, new years, valentines etc) for a 'mom' but she wants me and the Ex to both share it! Then she feels torn because she doesn't know who to give it to. I always tell her to give it to the Ex since I know what kind of drama it would cause if she gave it to me. But the ironic plus side? Thanksgiving she made a turkey with 4 feathers on it with things she was thankful for, it was on the fridge at the Ex's house and one of them said I'm thankful for my step mom because she lets me play with her hair! haha so the Ex had to look at that every time she opened the fridge...made me laugh ;)
Where are you Alice? Get your lil butt to posting! ;)
Hey there... getting a little worried about you, haven't seen you around. Stop by and let us know you are ok!
No you are not being a whiner. times have changed and schools need to accomodate that...
hopefully it will get better soon!
Seriously Dude- where are you? It's Spring- come out and play.
Here's an idea- get on a plane to Austin for a stepmom getaway. I have taken on organizing a fun-filled weekend for weary stepmoms. Am I insane? Quite possibly, but I'm giving it a go.
Austin- August 8-11. Get on it and spread the word.
kisses
IR
Helloooooooooo. Anyone here?
We miss you!!!!
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