Again, another 2 weeks without a post.
Work.Has.Been.Nuts.
The last few weeks have been quite eventful – and also a huge dissapointment. Not necessarily for me, but for Mr.Brady.
Before I go off on todays rant (which isn’t all about Jan – yay), I’d like to say again how much appreciate all of your blogs. I look forward to reading them everyday and they bring me so much comfort – especially in a situation that can leave you feeling very alone. So…thank you.
October 13 was Mr.Brady’s birthday. It was a big one, he turned 40 years old. We had the kids Wed, Thur, and Fri that week, so I planned a family bday dinner on the Friday. We had Chinese (the food, not the people), German chocolate cake, and the kids made cupcakes. We all sat down and enjoyed the feast.
It was about this time that I noticed that the kids hadn’t brought out any presents, cards, or pictures/paintings – so I held off on bringing out the present I had gotten him. I brought out the cake, we sang (horribly), he blew out the candles and we all stuffed ourselves silly. An hours passes, and still…nothing.
Mr.Brady and I begin cleaning up the table, and the kids go off into the TV room. I begin to wonder if this is some sort of family tradition that I don’t know about…maybe they don’t give gifts at the table? Maybe they give them on the hour they are actually born? But no, I’ve been with them through birthdays before, this was definitely not the case.
What is going on???
An hour later, the kids are in bed. Mr.Brady is sitting in bed reading. I use this opportunity to give him his gift. He opens it. Loves it. And then says, “Did my kids forget about my birthday?”
It was the saddest thing I have ever heard him say. It broke my heart.
The next day, Marcia told me that her mom would take them shopping for their dad. Next week arrives, still nothing.
Here is my question. Actually no. It’s not a question, because I already know the answer. It’s more like a statement that I need to have validated.
I should not have to assume that I am buying Mr.Brady presents from his kids. That responsibility is Mrs.Brady, who has them 4 days out of the week.
Work.Has.Been.Nuts.
The last few weeks have been quite eventful – and also a huge dissapointment. Not necessarily for me, but for Mr.Brady.
Before I go off on todays rant (which isn’t all about Jan – yay), I’d like to say again how much appreciate all of your blogs. I look forward to reading them everyday and they bring me so much comfort – especially in a situation that can leave you feeling very alone. So…thank you.
October 13 was Mr.Brady’s birthday. It was a big one, he turned 40 years old. We had the kids Wed, Thur, and Fri that week, so I planned a family bday dinner on the Friday. We had Chinese (the food, not the people), German chocolate cake, and the kids made cupcakes. We all sat down and enjoyed the feast.
It was about this time that I noticed that the kids hadn’t brought out any presents, cards, or pictures/paintings – so I held off on bringing out the present I had gotten him. I brought out the cake, we sang (horribly), he blew out the candles and we all stuffed ourselves silly. An hours passes, and still…nothing.
Mr.Brady and I begin cleaning up the table, and the kids go off into the TV room. I begin to wonder if this is some sort of family tradition that I don’t know about…maybe they don’t give gifts at the table? Maybe they give them on the hour they are actually born? But no, I’ve been with them through birthdays before, this was definitely not the case.
What is going on???
An hour later, the kids are in bed. Mr.Brady is sitting in bed reading. I use this opportunity to give him his gift. He opens it. Loves it. And then says, “Did my kids forget about my birthday?”
It was the saddest thing I have ever heard him say. It broke my heart.
The next day, Marcia told me that her mom would take them shopping for their dad. Next week arrives, still nothing.
Here is my question. Actually no. It’s not a question, because I already know the answer. It’s more like a statement that I need to have validated.
I should not have to assume that I am buying Mr.Brady presents from his kids. That responsibility is Mrs.Brady, who has them 4 days out of the week.
If she couldn't afford it, or couldn't find the time, I would have been MORE than happy to take them shopping, but she didn't communicate anything to me.
Mr.Brady always ensures that the kids have something to give to her on her bday, so why wouldn’t she do the same?
8 comments:
My best guess is that she has left over issues from the divorce. It is sad for him and for the kids. You would like him to do the same for her on her next birthday but I am not a big "tit for tat" kind of person. Do what you want them to emulate and hopefully she will get over her bitterness, if that is what it was. It could be she just forgot but that is doubtful.
You are absolutely right about not buying him presents from his kids. It should be a parental responsibility. Next year though you may want to consider a contingency plan in case the same thing happens - for his sake, not anyone elses.
You're trying to use logic with an illogical person (the ex). How could you!?!?!? ha ha
Does Mr. Brady have an official viewpoint on birthdays?
I ask because my husband and I have two different schools of thought with birthdays: he doesn't think they're a big deal; I do.
He'd rather all parties involved (his ex and me) give the gift of frugality and not buy anything. But that's him.
This might warrant a conversation with the ex, "I wasn't sure what our official policy on Mr. Brady's birthday's presents is: should we share the gift-buying responsibility next year or would you prefer to pick up the gifts from the kids? Or would you prefer I did it?"
I think I would pass out from shock if my husband's ex took their daughter shopping for his birthday. That would NEVER happen. And she has her all but an average of one weekend a month. I usually talk to my stepdaughter over the phone about what kind of thing she wants to get him, or have her order it the month before his birthday or Christmas.
I take my stepkids shopping for presents for their dad for his big days. Sometimes their mom does, too. Sometimes not. We get along across houses, but the main thing is that I want my husband to celebrate with his kids and how great if he gets two sets of presents from his kids, but I want to make sure he gets at least one and for them to feel involved and help pick it out. I like to be involved in taking them shopping, too.
But yeah, I can see how it would suck to be surprised in this situation.
Hmm, I would personally have taken on that responsibility because I would just feel weird having her shop for something for my man, even if it was coming from the kids...(Lord only knows what kind of CRAP she would buy anyways) He didn't take them shopping for her birthday, I think her parents took them. And for his birthday I will take them to pick something out. I guess maybe it just depends on the family....
A very timely post...this past weekend, we had a "family" birthday party for my significant other and his 3 kids. For the second year in a row, my SO's ex-wife didn't buy anything for the kids to give their dad - not even a card. She also didn't encourage them to call their dad on his b-day. Luckily, one of his three kids did call on his actual b-day. It made me feel so sad. I can only imagine how it made him feel.
I ended up taking the kids to Target and buying a couple of things they could give to their dad. I also got a card for the 3 of them to sign.
I tried to research and find a consensus as to who is responsible for buying presents for kids to give their parents after divorce. I didn't find any info. I think it just depends on the situation, but like you, I clearly cannot count on the ex-wife for anything, even if it seems like common decency.
My hubby's ex would NEVER help the kids get him anything, despite the fact that we've taken them to buy for her on every birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas since they split.
I just know that she won't, so I take them ahead of time and let them pick out things for him that they like. It definitely isn't my job, in my opinion, and I think it's downright selfish of her to receive, receive, receive and never give... but that's the way the cookie crumbles in our household.
So I just do it. I figure the kids will learn that it's unselfish and good to be thoughtful and they'll look back someday and realize that The Egg Donor was not unselfish, good, or thoughtful...
I guess I have a completely different school of thought on this issue. I would be completely irritated if the EX took my stepson shopping for my Hubby. They are no longer married. He is my husband. It is NOT her responsibility to make sure that my Hubby gets a birthday gift. I have always taken him shopping for his father and we have NEVER taken him shopping for a B-day gift for his mother. His stepdad can do that. We did take him to buy Mother's Day cards for her when she was not remarried. She has created so much heartache in our home. Why would Hubby want a gift that SHE purchased?
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