Just smile and nod....smile and nod...

I’d like to consider myself an open minded woman. It isn’t that often that you will hear me say out loud, “Oh my god. That is so inappropriate. What the hell are they thinking?”

Tonight, however, was one of those moments.

You may have noticed the picture in this post. The lovely picture of the belly baring woman who, I am sure, is a beautiful and talented belly dancer. Now, I can’t see her face, but I’m pretty sure that this woman is older than 5. Would you agree?

Now why would I say something so ridiculous? Here’s why.

Mrs.Brady has been taking belly dancing classes for the past year and a half. A couple of classes into it, Mrs. Brady asked Marcia if she would be interested in learning how to belly dance. There was no objection from Mr.Brady. My first reaction went a little something like this,

“She takes WHAT kind of dance??”

I kept this to myself, of course. I discussed this with a friend, who pointed me towards this link:

www.shira.net/dearshira/girlsdancing.htm

It cleared up a lot of misconceptions I may have had about young girls taking belly dancing classes. But it still never really sat well with me - there are just too many perverts out there. Suffice to say, I let it go. Marcia isn’t my daughter and I certainly am not going to throw in my two cents if both Mr & Mrs Brady are in agreement that this is an appropriate activity for Marcia to be doing.

Fast forward a year later and the fit hit the shan (at least in my head). Mr.Brady calls me and says, “Greg will be over tonight at 6:30pm”.

“Ok, great. What about Jan?”

“Jan is going to dance with Mrs.Brady and Marcia.”

“To watch?”

“No, she’s going to dance.”

:: crickets crickets ::

So here’s the thing. I am not a parental. I am not yet a step-mom. I am simply the girlfriend. I don’t want to stir up an argument by voicing my opinion on the matter. They are, after all, not my bio-kids. I don’t really feel it is my place to be giving parenting advice to two people who have 3 kids. But – come on!! Taking a 5 year old to a belly dancing class? I really don’t want to see her practicing belly rolls, chest thrusts and hip gyrations. Would you? Or am I being WAY too paranoid and close minded. To be completely honest, I’m a little confused as to how Mr.Brady is OK with this. My first thought is, he doesn’t want to get into a fight with Mrs.Brady, so he doesn’t object. But still…these are his little girls!! Would it kill Mrs.Brady to wait until they are at least 16 (maybe older?).

Call me old fashion, but I can’t help but feel protective. I can’t help but feel “icky” about the whole thing.

Am I doing the right thing by not getting involved – or should I risk an argument and voice my concerns?

And please, by all means, if you disagree with me - I welcome your comments and opinions.

Like Jonah and the whale, I’m going in…

How important is it to have a schedule? I’ve been told (and I’ve read) that once kids are added to your “life’s equation”, any sort of routine or schedule that your previously had (in your single life) gets thrown to the wind.

Is this true? And does it apply to me? Me, who is not yet married? Me, who is not yet a step-mom. Me, who has based her entire career on scheduling and task planning. Me, who moved her entire life, so that she could be with her partner and his kids.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say, yes. I'll be honest, I haven’t entirely decided how I feel about this.

Example. Summer is a busy time for everybody. Mr.Brady works full time, I work full time from home, and the kids have nothing to do but be kids. Their mother’s home is their primary residence, meaning Mr.Brady pays child support and the kids spend most nights at her place. This isn’t to say that the children aren’t welcome here anytime they want. If they want to stay over, swim in the pool, play on one of the game consoles…they are always welcome. This, after all, is their home too. But it’s not their primary home, so the thought of them coming and going as they please, makes me feel like my home is more of drop-in club houses.

Is it wrong of me to expect some sort of schedule. To know when they are staying over? To know when we need to prepare a dinner for 5, rather than 2?

Like I’ve mentioned before, I was an only child who grew up in a single-mother home, living with 3 kids is not something I’ve been groomed to greet gracefully - but hey! - I chose this life, so I fully expect to make like a stick of bamboo, and bend when I need to. I am not complaining. What I am trying to do, is understand my boundaries.

Mr.Brady’s biggest issue with a “schedule”, is precisely what I mentioned before. He doesn’t want them to feel like they aren’t welcome at certain times of the week. But the whole “come on by whenever you want”, doesn’t really fly with me either.

If we were their primary caregivers, I would at least know (and expect) them home everynight. Since we are not, I never know when they’ll be over. This makes scheduling a challenge.

The bottom line is I’ve committed to this relationship (the one with him and his kids), and I don’t want to step on any toes, but how do I tell him, without sounding like the evil stepmother, that I don’t like not knowing when they’ll be over.

Am I way out of line, internet?