I think I missed the chapter on dealing with tantrums...

Is it common for a 5 year old girl (turning 6 in November) to cry, scream and have a tantrum every single day? I am not exaggerating.

Like I've said before - girl is moody. Her behavior can go from 0-60 in 3 seconds.

Is this "normal"?

Am I completely discombobulated for no reason?

Do I need to be a bio-mom to truly understand and sympathize with these tantrums?

S.O.S

The kids have been here for 3 hours and already Jan has had 2 crying sessions, and 1 tantrum. She's currently in her room, screaming her head off and banging on the door.

I feel like I'm tucked away in the trench of some Lord of Flies battlefield.

...send wine.

K-I-S-S-ING!

I'd like your opinion on this matter. Mr.Brady and I received this email from Jan's kindergarten teacher. I'm not sure I agree with the punishment for showing affectiong, but I'd like to know your thoughts...

Hello Parents

While normally I would save classroom discussions for my Friday reminders email or Monday newsletter, I feel we have an issue on our hands in kindergarten that I would like to nip-in-the-bud with your help. We have developed a kissing problem in our classroom, which I see mainly outside at recess and in our lines before school. The kissing has occured over such a range of students that I felt it necessary to send out a quick email in search of support.

Please remind your kindergartener that kissing is reserved for home: parents, grandparents, and pets. At school, we have discussed that this will be an automatic turn-to-red card change with a loss of 5 minutes of recess. This early in kindergarten it is so important to set social and personal boundaries at school, which is why I am really trying to curb this behavior.

Thank you for your help and support!

While I can see the issue at hand - my suggestion would be to encourage the kids to bond in a different way. Why not teach them a secret handshake/highfive, that only their class knows? Or hugging instead of kissing?

What do y'all think?

It's a small small world...

Hello. Remember me?

I sincerely apologize for the two week sabbatical that I took – but things have been crazy! We have just returned from our 7 day trip to Orlando (Disneyworld), and before that I was up to my ears in work – trying to tie up all the loose ends before I left.

Oh. Yes. There was also that huge urge to choke every time I thought of our Disneyworld trip. Why? Because it wasn’t just a trip with Mr.Brady, the kids and me. It was a trip with Mr.Brady, the kids, his niece, Mrs.Brady & Mrs.Brady’s boyfriend.

:: crickets ::

It wasn’t as horrible as it sounds. We obviously stayed in different rooms, and we rarely saw them except when we met everyday at 3pm to “hand-off” the kids. But it was still…weird. The important thing here is that the kids had a great time, except maybe the little one. Jan hated the rides, and refused to go on any. She warmed up as the days went on, but it was impossible to get her on Splash mountain, or Buzz Lightyear. Instead, she would rather take a few roundtrips on “Small World”.

Sweet Jesus. I forgot how much I hated that ride. Even as a kid I disliked it. That song. That horrible horrible song. I close my eye and all I see are kaleidoscope images of animatronic puppets from around the world, swaying to that evil 2 verse theme song.

Other than that – I thought the other rides were great. There were tons of learning stations for the kids, and so many interesting attractions to wonder through. Epcot was by far my favorite part.

On a more parent-related note, and less Disney…

Mr.Brady and I had some excellent opportunities to chat about the group-vacation-experience as it was happening – and I had some excellent opportunities to vent my brain out. He listened well, and was increadibly patient when I tried to put my feelings & emotions into words.

There are a dozen funny/sad/strange Disneyworld-stories I could write about, but let me focus on a climatic point ... Jan (yes of course the climatic point is about Jan) was being fussy and impatient while we ordered lunch – she started hitting her sister (for no reason). I asked her to stop. Futile. I ask her again. No response. Mr.Brady’s niece grabbed Jan’s arms and stopped her from hitting Marcia. This upset Jan greatly. She decided to take her restraint-frustrations out on the nearest person. That would be me. She smacked me (hard) across the side of my body.

I can put up with a lot. But hitting? This may be the only time I swear in my blog, but this is what was going on in my head, “You just fucked with the wrong step-mom, Kid.”

I kneeled down grabbed her shoulders, looked her in the eye and said, “Jan, don’t ever hit me again. Ever.” I picked her up and hauled her off to a nearby table, sat her down and walked away. Mr.Brady was in shock…everyone was in shock. It was like they had never seen discipline in action. She got up immediately and came back to the table, I said calmly, “Are you coming back to apologize for hitting me?”

“No.”

I picked her back up and sat her at a different table. She came back 3 times, all with the same answer. She cried. We ignored her. Finally she came back and mumbled something that may have been an apology. I asked her to repeat. She finally managed to say “I’m sorry for hitting you.”

I smiled and said, “Apology accepted.” She sat with her head down for the rest of the meal.

I’m not trying to promote shame here – but talk about pride! I began to wonder if Jan had ever been taught to apologize. Later that day I asked Mr.Brady – his response, “Not really. I actually was really impressed with how you handled that situation. I would not have done that.”

Mr.Brady has this habit of just rolling with the punches (know what I mean?). If she’s a brat, he’ll say “Knock it off”, or “Stop that”….and that’s about it. Two minutes later she’ll be all happy and bubbly, and he’ll roll with that. Seems like an easy going way of dealing with her behavior, but I don’t think she learns anything. I strongly believe that rolling with her punches is just teaching her that she can act however she wants.

One minute – Mad
Next minute – Happy
Following minute – Crying

…and it doesn’t matter, because this is how Mr.Brady will react.

Mad – “Uh oh…she’s mad…I better tell her to quit acting like that”.
Happy – “Yay, she’s happy, let’s see how long I can keep her like this.”
Crying – “Well that didn’t work. I wonder how I can please her and make her stop.”

Do you see what I’m getting at? There is no reason for her to stop hitting her sister – because there is no real consequence. She knows that in 2 minutes, if she smiles and laughs, her dad will think she’s the cutest thing on the planet again, regardless of what she’s just done.

It.is.so.irritating.

The good news is – Mr.Brady and I had a long talk about this and it looks like we want to be on the same path. There is hope.

Alright – I’ve been incredibly random in this post – and I’ve talked your eyes off – but there is more. A.lot.more. Funny stories!

Again, thank you for being so supportive!

In the picture: Jan, Greg, Alice, Mr.Brady's niece, Marcia.

Bring out yer dead!

I'm still here. Alive. I apologize for the lack up updates - I will be back in action soon (most likely later today).

Calming

Living in the boonies has it perks. Today I looked out my living room window (aka my home office) and saw this..."A doe. A deer. A female deer"

It's quite the change, considering I am used to looking out my office window and seeing this...

Vancouver's beautiful, don't get me wrong - but...I think I'm starting to like this place.

This is not a test...

The last week of my life has been one roller coaster of scheduling. Summer is officially over and the kids are all back in school. Along with this comes a new schedule. Back and forth, back and forth – trying to figure out a schedule that meets everyone’s expectations is tiring.

Nevertheless, we now have a schedule that all the kids like, and Mrs.Brady has no problem with. We will be alternating between Wed, Thur, Fri, and Thu, Fri, Sat, every other week.

To be honest, I’m glad that they are only here 3 nights a week. Harsh. I know. But I think it’s a good start; for all of us. I’m not a huge fan of shuffling the kids around every other day and I think alternating weeks would be hard on Mr.Brady (I’m not sure he could go 5 days without seeing his kids). And on a more selfish note, I think this gives me a better chance to adjust. That is, adjust to living in a house with 4 other people.

God help me.

There are times when I retreat into the back room – and it’s not because I’m trying to be rude, it’s basically because I can’t handle the “too many cooks in the kitchen” feeling. Especially with a 5 year old who doesn’t listen.

:: sigh :: Can we talk about that for a minute?

Example, I was in the kitchen making dinner and she was walking around all over the place (see diagram). I asked her three times to stop. Finally I said, “Jan, how many times have I asked you to stop running around in the kitchen?", "3 times." "So, why are you ignoring me?”

You know what she did? Giggled.

I took a deep breath and thought to myself, “there is no way she is playing the cute card on me”. I explained to her why it was dangerous – she listened – nodded – and walked out of the room.

:: Exhale ::

Example two, last Friday we all went out for pizza. By the time we had finished, the kids still had full drinks. They piled into the car, all holding their cups. Jan asked if I could put it in the cup holder upfront. Sure. Why not.

10 minutes later.

We park the car and get out. Mr.Brady is unloading some stuff from the back of the car, while I open the front door. Jan comes running up behind me. The conversation goes a little like this:

“Jan, did you grab your cup from the car?”
“No.”
“Ah. I see…well can you go grab it from the front and bring it inside?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Why should I have to do it?”
I nearly choke.
“Because it is your cup. Your drink. Your responsibility. Now go get your cup.”

She pouts, turns around and walks slowly back to the car.

These are only two examples out of a hundred. Call me crazy, internet. Because I may just have been born yesterday, but do all kids act like this? Is it normal for them to be testing the waters so much? Is it because I’m not her bio-parent?

I’m not completely naïve. I didn’t honestly think this would be easy. I wasn’t fantasizing about living in a home with my boyfriend and his three charming, angelic kids. I knew there would be challenges, and I definitely knew there would be a lot of learning. But what’s with all the back talk? And I'm not the only one she does it to.

We don’t believe in spanking, or yelling. But how do I get it across to her that she’s driving me insane!? I've tried the art of explanation. I've tried to explain to her that her actions will affect her relationship with the people around her. Meaning, if she’s cheeky and rude, people won’t want to play with her.

Does that seem weird? Does it work?

Each day I learn something new, and I suppose that’s the point of this blog. To keep a record of what this journey is all about. Until then…I cherish the quiet and peaceful days. Like this one below…taken last Sunday, while canoeing with Mr.Brady on Lake Washington.