I’d like to consider myself an open minded woman. It isn’t that often that you will hear me say out loud, “Oh my god. That is so inappropriate. What the hell are they thinking?”
Tonight, however, was one of those moments.
You may have noticed the picture in this post. The lovely picture of the belly baring woman who, I am sure, is a beautiful and talented belly dancer. Now, I can’t see her face, but I’m pretty sure that this woman is older than 5. Would you agree?
Now why would I say something so ridiculous? Here’s why.
Mrs.Brady has been taking belly dancing classes for the past year and a half. A couple of classes into it, Mrs. Brady asked Marcia if she would be interested in learning how to belly dance. There was no objection from Mr.Brady. My first reaction went a little something like this,
“She takes WHAT kind of dance??”
I kept this to myself, of course. I discussed this with a friend, who pointed me towards this link:
www.shira.net/dearshira/girlsdancing.htm
It cleared up a lot of misconceptions I may have had about young girls taking belly dancing classes. But it still never really sat well with me - there are just too many perverts out there. Suffice to say, I let it go. Marcia isn’t my daughter and I certainly am not going to throw in my two cents if both Mr & Mrs Brady are in agreement that this is an appropriate activity for Marcia to be doing.
Fast forward a year later and the fit hit the shan (at least in my head). Mr.Brady calls me and says, “Greg will be over tonight at 6:30pm”.
“Ok, great. What about Jan?”
“Jan is going to dance with Mrs.Brady and Marcia.”
“To watch?”
“No, she’s going to dance.”
:: crickets crickets ::
So here’s the thing. I am not a parental. I am not yet a step-mom. I am simply the girlfriend. I don’t want to stir up an argument by voicing my opinion on the matter. They are, after all, not my bio-kids. I don’t really feel it is my place to be giving parenting advice to two people who have 3 kids. But – come on!! Taking a 5 year old to a belly dancing class? I really don’t want to see her practicing belly rolls, chest thrusts and hip gyrations. Would you? Or am I being WAY too paranoid and close minded. To be completely honest, I’m a little confused as to how Mr.Brady is OK with this. My first thought is, he doesn’t want to get into a fight with Mrs.Brady, so he doesn’t object. But still…these are his little girls!! Would it kill Mrs.Brady to wait until they are at least 16 (maybe older?).
Call me old fashion, but I can’t help but feel protective. I can’t help but feel “icky” about the whole thing.
Am I doing the right thing by not getting involved – or should I risk an argument and voice my concerns?
And please, by all means, if you disagree with me - I welcome your comments and opinions.
5 comments:
A couple of things:
You should never feel like your opinion isn't important. If you are going to be their stepmom, you need to have a voice. If it were my husband, I would absolutely say something. I had many opinions about things before we were married. He was a great listener.
That being said, I would state your opinion and then leave it at that. It is the BP's decision to make. Unlike many things that will arise in your future together, this is a simple parenting matter and doesn't directly affect your life together. For that reason, you should feel free to state your opinion and leave it at that. If this were something that would impact your family time and finances, that would be a different matter----you should have some say.
I don't know anything about belly dancing. What I do know is that I would not want to have to raise a girl these days. God gave me boys for a reason!!
The kids' BM fire dances, but not the fire dancing you see from Hawaii... No, she does snake charmer, belly dance, and the fire is on the end of a long chain with spiked balls. The one time the kids spent actual time with her, she let the kids watch while she preformed. Daughter is now scared for her mother's life, has begged mother to stop, but mother wants daughter to join in, and for a while sent a list of schools daughter could join in our area.. Father said he would think about it, I threw the list away with mother watching. Sometimes, it takes a firm stand, no matter what. She is a child, she needs a voice, and since the voice of reason is not around, maybe you should take up the voice and put a stop to it.
I definitely think you should voice your opinion. Maybe by doing so your husband will explain to you why he doesn't have a problem with it...maybe it's something that makes sense-who knows? I know I would feel uncomfortable too, but as Mrs. H said, this one doesn't directly affect you so it's probably best to just state the opinion/talk if over with hubby and leave it at that (especially so as not to start any fights). There will, more than likely, be many other "battles" way more important than this one where you will need to step up. I think you should just let this one slide for now. That being said, when is your wedding going to be? Oh and (from your earlier comment) I absolutely think you should discuss with future hubby about putting the ex on the guest list. Every etiquette (sp?) book I have seen say no one should be put on the guest list that would make the other party feel uncomfortable at their own wedding. Even if she probably won't show up, there is still that chance and it's best to discuss it now than have to deal with it in the middle of your wedding!
You have every right to voice your opinion with her father. You are a part of the family now whether you are girlfriend and/or stepmom. I have found that if I don't speak up, I get resentful. We talk a lot behind closed doors and then the Husband deals directly with bio-mom.
And if it makes you feel icky in your gut, you should listen to that, regardless of how other people feel.
Not sure how I feel about belly dancing. At least it's not beginning pole dancing. I am laughing that Chelly has to contend with a fire charmer. Good God, step-mothering is full of surprises!
As for the ex at the wedding, I hope you write more about it. I definitely have some stories to share. The short summary is that bio-mom was not invited to our wedding on my insistence. Bio-mom is still hurt (her words) that she didn't get to share the spotlight and attend. I basically explained it this way- my wedding is not about you. I get to have one day that is selfishly my own. And then we go back to the routine of sharing kids, schedules, time, etc.
The Husband backed me and it was a load off of me. I can tell you that no one asked us where she was. No one expected that she would be there.
She still thinks the wedding was somehow about her and her relationship/friendship with The Husband. Things may have been different had she ever extended a friendship or sisterhood to me, but she's always just been interested in maintaining her "best friend" relationship with The H. I'm sorry, but only friends and family are invited to my wedding. Am I crazy?
I guess that wasn't a short summary. I obviously am a teensy bit steamed over it.
Counting to ten...
IR
Thank you, ladies. As always, I appreciate your comments :) It helps more than you know.
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